Yes, Jean, I am having a problem....or I should say I can sense that I might have a problem staying with the plan.
I'm less than 2 weeks from the 10 month mark and after holding my own all this time my mind keeps coming back to how nice it would be to have a bowl and a beer...what could it hurt!
I'm know that as a child and young person the holidays were always stressful for my family. Arguments, parties with the drinking that seemed the norm back then, my folks trying to make too little money cover too much Christmas, the tensions that resulted from that...so you might say that holiday stress is a family tradition. Meanwhile my wife seems to loose her sense of proportion when it comes to holiday spending. She has to go to every party, she seems to have an endless number of people to buy gifts for and she always waits until the last minute to start doing much of it. Perhaps to make bad matters worse, my mother is critically ill and since it's evidently going to be her last Christmas in this life my siblings are mostly basket cases. (As a practicing Buddhist I start my mornings by reminding myself that it is my nature to experience old age, ill health, death and change and that they are all inescapable).
Meanwhile my son and I seem to be determined to keep things as low key as possible. We went out and got the tree and set it up, we've done most of our shopping already, bypassing the wife a lot just in order to keep things from piling up and becoming a last minute rush.
I've been going to my meditation group (sangha) twice a week, I allow my morning meditations to take as long as it takes for me to feel good about the world. I, personally, stay away from parties with drinking and I remind myself frequently about why I got straight and how much it means to me. And I come to this forum a lot to remind myself that all you wonderful people either are going or have gone through what I'm experiencing.
I know that there are meetings available through this forum and that my sangha has weekly 12 step/mindfully based relapse prevention meetings. I stay aware of where my head is and try to be mindful of my stressors. I take heart in the fact that I know I'm questioning myself and I have a plan. I have not allowed myself to mindlessly stress out so at this point I think I'm ahead of the game. I draw strength and determination from my higher power. I know that with a little help from my friends I can make it through this holiday season straight and sober. What a gift to myself that will be, what a gift that will be to my family.
I know you can make it too.
Jinx
