Rigorous Honesty

Hello Fellowship,

I am on day 3 of detox. Last night I decided I had to go for it this time with Rigorous honesty and I told my BF that I had relapsed and was hiding my smoking. He didn't take it very well. We went to bed with feelings of, don't worry, it will be okay. I really thought we would work things out (he has 10 years clean and sober). I have not been able to sleep lately(but have always been a night owl since we have lived together); he gets up early at 6am. Well, he woke up at 2 am and flipped out about the TV being on and told me I was selfish, immature and "unstable" and he was sick of it...he basically broke up with me in the middle of the night and wouldn't talk to me, and we are both going off to work today on that note. We have been together for almost 5 years now. I am so hurt that I hurt him, but I really expected more understanding. I'm determined not to let this incident make me relapse. But, how do I go through a break up when I cannot afford to support myself in my own place right now?? I keep hoping he is just mad and he  will come home, wrap his arms around me and tell me we will be okay....but, I don't know. God please help me get through the day, one moment at a time.

Thanks guys

Cali, I hear the pain in your post...I have to go to work right now but I just wanted you to know that you are not on your own out there. Take care of yourself today.

many thoughts......

as an addict I've heard from many people in the rooms how welcoming we/they are to someone who relapses ...we/they don't always give the same consideration to our loved ones.

your expectations of him.........my sponsor always says..."you are not in the "results" business. all we can do is put in the efforts the rest is out of our hands.

be strong...stay sober #1 for you.
do you have a sponsor onland?
online here I do know that eclare is one who makes herself available ......has the time and good recovery.