One Day at a Time , Progress Not Perfection =^)

Hello. Yesterday I got high. Today I choose not today. Tonight? I don't know what the future holds.

But as long as I continue to live in fear, regret, shame, etc. I will not learn from my mistakes.

One of the best slogans I've learned through 12-step recovery is "to act as if".

For a while now, I have been taking my inventory (step 4) *immediately* as I have a negative thought.

This morning I woke up and had a thought, "I regret getting high yesterday. I could have gotten more done." I immediately emailed this thought to myself and in the subject put "step4".

For the past couple weeks, I've been sending emails to myself like this. That part of me (and it's there even now, "Just take a hit! It's all good") that wants to get high becomes drowned out by the part of me (my intellect) that is saying "Dude, you've got some great things lined up today in sobriety."

My higher power gives me all these tools: this online forum, email, the 12steps, and you all to learn from. But I need to remember that my higher power believes in progress, not perfection.

Better to make a little progress today than to think, "Oh no, I can't give up marijuana FOREVER. That's impossible! So why even try to get better?"

The point is that no matter when/if you choose to give up marijuana, our higher power can help rid us of these negative traits and find balance in life.

By the way, I am writing all this stuff to remind myself of it too. When I get high (relapse, whatever u choose to call it), I start getting very negative and want to throw away all my progress! Why? Why should I discount everything I learned when I was free off pot for 6 months? Why should I give up even some of the *good* memories of being stoned? I don't need to make an allegiance to getting high vs. not getting high. This is the tyranny of choice. I need to be grateful to my higher power that life can be just as beautiful, of not more so, sober, but that I do not need to beat myself up over times I've lit up.

Thanks to everyone who has helped provide this space.

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION =^)

"Forever" is a killer for me. Fortunately, my MA program and fellows don't require the impossible of me. If I simply postpone getting high today, I'm good. I will deal with tomorrow later (easy to do for a procrastinator).

right on Keith!